im not one to bad-mouth my ex-boyfriends, my old friends, my father. but ive suddenly realized why, sometimes, it just has to be done.
in relationships for example, i do it for the same reason he does. for reassurance. i, for one, would be driven crazy if he ever began to talk about one of his past loves as though he still had feelings for her. even if i knew it wasnt true. its the same for me. i have no desire to be with either of my previous boyfriends, none at all. but if i sat in disscussion with him, even once, and talked about either of them in anyway loving, well... i know it would be a mistake. we cut down our past relationships for the comfort of our significant other. true, im not proud of my past boyfriends, however i dont like to "bad-mouth" them, so to speak. it gives me a sense of guilt. disloyalty even. because at one point i felt for them, and they poured themselves into me. and for that i feel terrible about the things i sometimes say regarding them. but now ive realized why i do it. why we do it. its like saying "the others mean nothing to me" very secretly, very discreetly. its a sweet reassurance hidden beneath common conversation. and i wouldnt have it any other way. he needs it just as i do. and in that way, im happy to do it.

sorry about the randomness of the subject